is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
