Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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