I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
