Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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