Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
