remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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