all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
