oh god the rape fog is back!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
