Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
