fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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