I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize