You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
