it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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