Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
