you would pick up someone in the library
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
