She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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