my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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