Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
