he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
