Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
