tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
