She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
