Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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