it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So here I am, sexting at work.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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