Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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