North Korea, Best Korea!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
