We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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