I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
