so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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