i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My breasts were aching with rage.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
