Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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