youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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