I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sober January is a disaster.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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