this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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