So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Congratulations! We have a period
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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