dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i now understand why vodka
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
