I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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