just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
