shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
