Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
