There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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