he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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