The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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