I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
