I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
