He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
