I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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