Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
