Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
