yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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