I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
