If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
