I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
