All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
