Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
