You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
