id be glad to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
