a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
