A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
