break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
