Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize