can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
