she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
