no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
