Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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