You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They have beer where we have blood.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
