everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
