I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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