just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
