I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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