I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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