She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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