I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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