Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
