Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
